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Is someone testing me everyday I live?

These few day have been hard.
The amount of work I have at hand is not the question.
It's just that...
I sometimes feel that I've worked too hard.

For a person that seeks perfection in her work.
I feel that it's suddenly very taxing.
I'm starting to wonder if all the hard work is worth it...

I always appear to be that cheerful? person in class,
pulling pranks and stuff...
Making lame jokes.
I wouldn't say that's not me.
sometimes, people look at the surface.
and not beyond it,
and just assume that she's unaffected.

I just feel that everything I've done thus far,
is nothing.
Opportunies lost.

I had a dream last night.
I dreamt that i gave birth to five very tiny babies.
And all of them died due to neglect.

I went onto find out what it meant.
From all of the description i think this is what i thought my dream meant:

It's the dawn of a new idea, new attitudes and behaviours. Because of a change in direction, I'm afraid to show and let known my vulnerabilities and incompetence. Start to not payattenton to myself and resulting in the death of something that's important to me.

The faces of the five babies....

It's quite a reflection of reality...
I think I just expect too much from myself.
It's not a sin, is it?

It's really painful,
I'm so sad that I can't even cry out.

Sometimes I try to be optimistic.
Although i know the outcome may be undesirable,
I still try to hold on to this tiny bit of hope in my heart,
that things will turn out well.
But more often than not,
I get more disappointed.

"I wake up, it's a bad dream, no one on my side
I was fighting but I just feel too tired to be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind"
                                               - Keane, "A Bad Dream"

I want to be that fighting kind...
for myself.

I'm Sick

What a way to start the holidays!

I'm currently suffering a minor case of Rachel Berry Syndrome.
Paid a visit to the doc's
He said that i's suffering from throat infection, flu and dry cough.

Now I can't speak, much less sing.
It's irritating, cos whenever I hear Kristen Chenoweth's Voice,
I have this sudden urge to sing.

Despite my sickly guise,
I still hav to do alot of work:

  1. Research for FYP
  2. Research for my test assignment
I know,
All researching and stuff.
But that said,
there goes my 2 weeks holiday. D:

Luckily, there's Glee to look forward to everyweek! :D

Yesterday, Republican post just distributed it's 2nd issue!
I'm beyond happiness!
Whenever I see someone readin my column,
that exhilarating feeling.
This is how it looks like btw.



Life is hard

I'm extremely tired.
So many things going on and stuff,
It's like a marathon with no end,
just lotsa pitstops where i can pour mineral water on my face.

I so happen to listen to 四季 just now,
overwhelming, i tell you.
It's like suddenly you've been given an isotonic drink during the race.

Accomplished...I think
I just finished my stupid article on current affairs on the topic of Independence.
I've been trying to find the right way to angle my story for the longest time.
Though i have the concept all (beautifully) written out in my mind,
It's difficult to articulate it with the many restrictions one face when writing for a publication.
Guess, I'll just have to make do with that.
It's my future occupation afterall.
(Unless I meet Ryohei and he falls in love with me OR I meet a very rich man and I don't have to work for the rest of my life.)

on another note,
I'm the new columnist in the (school's only but unofficial) publication I'm in.
Great news cos i hate thinking up things that I'm not interested in. (such as sports)
At the very least,
as a columnist,
I'll be able to air my view,
in my own fashion,
It's my corner now.

It's almost i live and breathe FYP.
My husband is FYP,
When i sleep, I dream FYP
I open my eye from my sleep, it's not the ceiling,
its FYP.

Have been meeting my FYP maties for nearly everyday,
I'm glad to see that at least it's going somewhere now.
Our hard work ain't to waste.
It's still en route though.

And I came to a realisation how angsty i've become ever since these
crap load of things fell out of nowhere onto my shoulders,
I must know how Atlas feels now.
I'm not the only one,
In fact,
love Angst is in the air.

Imagine the acronyms we came up with for the acronym FYP?
(FYP is Final Year Project btw)

F*** Your Pregnancy
F*** Your Pen*s
F*** Your Project

Experience the angst.

Alright, I think i should just head off to bed now.
I've FYP meeting in approx 10 hours time.
Today, my only day with no class used for FYP.
I'm gonna put a sleeping mask and go doze off.
I shan't waste anymore of my sleeping time.

Till then,


Just the 2nd week of school,
and I'm like flooded with work.

Classes were okay, it's just with FYP and
the upcoming YOG...
I nearly went crazy just now when I was doing some emailing.

So many stuff to dooooo~
There so many things in my mind,
I can't phrase out everythign properly D:

Oh the depression.
Oh well,
one tthing kept my sanity though,
I just pre-ordered the 3 variations of w-inds. upcoming "Addicted to Love" single.
That's one head up for me!

One Month


Yes, it feels a little weird not blogging physically,
though in my mind, I have many things that i want to document.

this long six weeks is pretty brutal,
cos I was undergoing internship,
for SUTL.

Yesterday marks my last day,
finally a burden off my shoulders.
Cos I was doing something really different - marketing, more towards branding.
Writiing is seriously more my thang actually.
This internship made me realise (and confirmed) what i wish to pursue in future,
which is writing.

my colleagues at ONE15 is crazy nice,
I'm gonna miss them for sure.

Of course,
I'll miss the food there,
not the canteen food,
Imperial Treasure (chinese restaurant) food. HAHA.

It was hard work during the internship,
but then,
I think it was pretty worth it as i saw the real side of the industry.
I'm off to chill now! :D


"I want that one"

I wanna join this. D:

Happy w-inds. Day! / In Another World

I can't believe it!
It has been 9 years since the boys debuted on the streets of Shibuya.

SO, to my dearest boys:

"おめでとう!I hope you guys will continue to make great music for many, many years to come!
Thanks for everything and I can't wait to hear more of your creativity at play! Have fun and be well! 
Yours forever, Sam"

I really cannot fathom a life without them!
I'm not saying that just because I'm a hardcore fan of theirs,
nor is it out of habit that they have always existed on the walls of my room, laptop, Ipod, phone and mind,
but the fact is that I really don't  know what will i become if i didn't know them.
I'm not gonna repeat how they have impacted my life,
cos i know, I'll probably spend days retelling how i fell in love with them and such.

I just listened to their "Another World" album.
Absolutely immaculate.
It has a good mix of dance/fast and slow songs and the transitions are pretty good.
And I love how they ended it with "Everyday"-it's the most perfect ending song afterall.

I wouldn't say as far as it's MY favourite album (cos my heart will forever stay at the 'ageha'/'四季' period),
But i can say that the songs really speak out to me as a w-inds. fan.
After listening to their music from their debut days till now,
you really see how they've grown as musicians and even more so, as individuals.
From their bubblegum pop to rock to ballads to the currrent dance genres,
I dare say they are one of the few groups that experimented on so many music genres.
I am truly proud of them and am proud to say that

"I AM A w-inds. FAN!"

Oracle of Delphi...NOT!

I typed in Oracle of Delphi and had a good laugh!

This was my log:

Me: What is the meaning of life?
The Oracle: To prepare for death.

Me: What is the meaning of life? (i asked again.)
The Oracle: Please don’t repeat yourself.

Me: What is the meaning of life? (and again)
The Oracle: That’s all I’m going to say about this.

Me: What is the meaning of life? (and again)
The Oracle: Let’s move on from this subject.

Me: What is the meaning of my life? (Alright, getting specific)
The Oracle: Life has no meaning. By the way, several people from Singapore have asked about your whereabouts recently.

Me: What is the meaning of name? (So, 'name' means 'Hector'? That's new.)
The Oracle: Hector

Me: What is the meaning of life? (Oh how i love making fun of computers.)
The Oracle: You’ll have to get along with the answer I already gave you.

Me: Is the meaning of my name hector?
The Oracle: I wouldn’t bet on it. I find it amusing that you’re interested in this issue.

Me: Meaning of my name?
The Oracle: I can’t catch your train of thought.

Me: What is the meaning of my name? (Though my name derives from a male name, i didn't know it means Carter)
The Oracle: Carter

Me: Now carter?
The Oracle: If that’s a question then I am intelligent.

Me: Will i suceed in life?
The Oracle: Yes. I find it amusing that you’re interested in this issue.

Me: How will i suceed in life?
The Oracle: With patience.

Me: Am i a patient person? (Personally i love this part, it looked like a conversation)
The Oracle: Deep inside you’d like to be, but unfortunately you’re not.

Me: Should i continue my studies overseas?
The Oracle: You should only do things which you consider in your heart to be right. Is this a trend question in Singapore? Soon I’ll put this on a FAQ.

Me: Who will i marry? (No offense, but, I know that I'm damn bloody straight.)
The Oracle: Your friend’s little sister. Please don’t kill the messenger for telling you this.

Me: Which man will i marry? (then, i had to make sure...)
The Oracle: The one which makes you happy. This is all I have to say on this matter.

Me: Where will i meet my future husband?
The Oracle: All around you, take a look! (Wow, so I'm marrying more than one in future? Capital! >.>)

Me: How many children will i have
The Oracle: 4, give or take one or two. (WHAT?! I've already decided on 2)

Me: What is my future job?
The Oracle: The weather at least looks very promising. (HUH?!)

Me: What is my future occupation?
The Oracle: A surprise is waiting, but a positive one.

Me: Will i look good with blonde hair?
The Oracle: It is really all up to you. I have faith in you. (I still wouldn't dare)

Me: Should i go for a nose job?
The Oracle: Yes, with confidence. (*goes off to find a good plastic surgeon)

Me: Is my nose really that bad?
The Oracle: Very likely. This is all I have to say on this matter.

Me: Am i feeling depressed now?
The Oracle: Of course! This is sensitive information and you must keep it to yourself. Got it?

I thought, if I were to ask the Oracle of Delphi, I should at least ask the REAL one.

Let me end with this:

You asked: Are you stupid?
The Oracle replied: Of course :-)


YonJu wanna change its name

After it's debut, I bet you know who Yonju is now right?
And in case you didn't it's the owl that i bought yesterday.

YonJu has been thinking all night.
I'm priced at $39 why did my owner call me YonJu($40)?

Shouldn't I be SanKyu?

Yonju asks Valentino, which should have been its name.
Valentino seems serious here.

Apparently, Hearty came along and made the decision with Valentino
that YonJu should actually be called SanKyu.

from today onwards,
YonJu the Owl is officially called SanKyu.

I can hear Sankyu from the room
saying thank you.

Owl and Bears

Just bought an owl cushion.
Been eyeing it for the longest time. lol.
It's pretty expensive for a cushion actually.
40 bucks to be exact.
I'm gonna name it, 四十。(YonJu)

And Valentino meets YonJu.